Childhood Classics
So begins 'The Best Christmas Pageant Ever', one of my favourite Christmas books as a child. It was written in 1971 by Barbara Robinson, and is the tale of a rather singular Sunday School Christmas pageant. The story is told the first person by a schoolgirl whose name we never learn, since she always refers to herself as "I", though we do know she has a brother named Charlie.
It's November, and it is time for their church's Sunday School to start practicing for the Christmas pageant. No one is very excited about it- it's always exactly the same: the manger scene, with the primary kids as angels, the intermediate kids as shepherds, the older boys as Wise Men; the minister's son is always Joseph because his father makes him, and Alice Wendleken is always Mary. This is because she's the only one who wants the part, and because she's so "holy-looking". Then, the first unexpected thing in years happens: Mrs. Armstrong, the woman who always runs the pageant, falls and breaks her leg badly, winding up in the hospital. Since she also runs the Ladies' Aid Bazaar and the Women's Society Potluck, there's a big scramble to get all of these activities delegated, and our narrator's mother gets stuck with the pageant. She's no more excited about it than anyone else- her husband suggests that she cancel it and show a movie instead- but she insists that she's going to see the pageant through, and not do anything different. Fateful words.
No one thinks of the Herdmans in relation to the pageant, because they're definitely not the church-going type. They are a family of six kids- Ralph, Imogene, Leroy, Claude, Ollie, and Gladys. They're pretty much bringing themselves up, because their father abandoned the family some years before, and their mother works double shifts at a local factory. They live in an old garage on the outskirts of town with their one-eyed attack cat. The Herdmans terrorize the other students at Woodrow Wilson School- bullying, blackmailing, and beating them up. They terrorize the teachers, too, and though never learning much, are never failed. There's always another Herdman coming along, and no teacher is crazy enough to have two in a class at the same time.
It is announced that the first play practice will take place following the service, and the Herdmans, looking interested for the first time, stay for it. Our narrator's mother feels safe asking for candidates to be Mary, because Alice Wendlekin is the only person who ever volunteers. To her shock, Alice doesn't raise her hand- but Imogene Herdman does (it later comes out that she threatened Alice into silence). No one- especially not the minister's son- volunteers to be Joseph except Ralph... Leroy, Claude, and Ollie want to be the Wisemen, and Gladys the angel of the Lord. Since no one else will volunteer for anything, she is stuck with Herdmans in all the lead roles of the pageant.
In the end, everyone agrees that the Christmas pageant actually was the best one they ever had, even if they're not sure why. Imogene asks Mother for a set of Bible story pictures, and takes the one of Mary, saying it's exactly right. Our narrator speculates that, however Imogene was herself, she liked the idea of the serene, perfect- looking Mary in the picture. She concludes, however, that to her, Mary will always be more like Imogene: "sort of nervous and bewildered, but ready to clobber anyone who laid a hand on her baby". And as they leave the church on that crisp, starry night, she thinks about Gladys the Angel of the Lord, shouting emphatically at everyone: "Hey! Unto you a child is born!"